Boyfriend #105: Oliver Reed.
One infamous night Reed and 36 friends drank 60 gallons of beer, 32 bottles of Scotch, 17 bottles of gin, four crates of wine, and one bottle of Babycham. Steve McQueen recalled once that in 1973 he flew to the UK to discuss a film project with Reed and suggested the pair go to a nightclub in London. They ended up on a marathon pub crawl during which Reed vomited on McQueen.
He was forced to leave the set of the Channel 4 television discussion program After Dark, after arriving drunk and attempting to kiss feminist writer Kate Millett, uttering the memorable phrase, “Give us a kiss, big tits.”
Reed died of a sudden heart attack during on 2 May 1999 as a result of a night of hard drinking, which included three bottles of downed rum and arm wrestling five sailors. He beat them all. He was 61 years old.
That’s how I want to go.
I Blackswanned it last night. I drank rum, whiskey, vodka, tequila, Jagermeister (do not judge me), beer I bought on the street that was being stored in the sewer (yes, really) and wine that an 18 year old French girl was smuggling in her purse. After all of this, I went to a club and danced. I do not dance. Basically, I was Natalie Portman in that scene in Black Swan where she gets fucked up and goes clubbing with Mila Kunis. Apparently I was pushing people out of my way at the club and saying “Move it, girls! I’m only 5’4!” Do not fuck with shorties. We will cut you. Somehow I lost my friends in the club and it took me 4 hours to walk back to the apartment. The club is two minutes away from it.
It was almost as much fun as the time I got roofied at a pride party and came to at a Lil’ Kim concert.
The other night I was chased by a hooker in Barcelona. She wrapped her arms around my waist and would not let go, even when I started screaming “Homosexual! Homosexual!” Later that night I bought beers on the street from a man who sold them to me out of a trashcan. I spent the rest of the night lifting up my shirt for cute boys and shouting “Sexo! Sexo!” at them like Reese Witherspoon in Freeway. Basically, I am in an Almodovar movie.
